Out of my mind!

I can feel the pain,
yet cannot shout in vain.
Days, months and years have gone by,
I wonder why am still giving it a try!

Something is lacking, something essential,
my life is locked with a missing credential.
I know what I want, I know what I need,
Is my fortune really all out of good deed?

Pages from my old diary are staring at me,
wondering how I landed in this crazy spree.
Cannot find more words to rhyme,
Paused in my mind and running out of time !